My Struggle with Surrender

The Challenge of Lent

It is the season of Lent and time to focus on what gets in the way of our relationship with God in a special way. What are you giving up? Are you giving something up or doing something extra?

Every Lent I struggle. I spend time all year round trying to deepen my faith but somehow these focused forty days always force me to confront the resistance I have to letting go and surrendering. What do I want to give up? Why do I want to give something up? How will it help me in my growth?

The Challenge to Surrender

I have come a long way when it comes to the word, “surrender.” I was raised to be an ambitious, independent woman, and the word surrender sounded more like being a puppet. This went along with my image of God up in Heaven and me down below on stage, spending all my energy performing, perfecting, and pleasing. Picturing myself on stage with God pulling the strings felt like dishonoring who I was. I feared I could not be myself or have any dreams or goals of my own. 

If you have a hard time with the word surrender, know you are not alone. Being open to trusting and allowing God to work through you is a process, one that takes time and practice. People have said to me, "I am afraid that if I become totally dependent on God, something bad will happen to me." I get the sense (from my own experience and listening to others) that there is a belief that if we are in control, we can make sure life goes the way we want it to, and if we give up control, we don't know what God will do with our lives. 

My Partnership with God

What changed for me was a growing understanding that I am here on earth co-creating with God and partnering in God's grace. If I surrender, I am not ignoring a situation or being passive. God is waiting for me to act, to use my God-given gifts, just as I am waiting for God to act. This certainly does not mean we are on the same level! God gave me gifts, and I am empowered to use them. And when I do, God and I can bring more goodness into the world. If I am worried about getting the coronavirus, I will do my part - take care of health so my immune system is up, wash my hands, and surrender the rest to God. If I am wanting to grow the Retreat, Reflect, Renew ministry, I will advertise the retreats and then surrender the attendance to God.

The awareness of this Divine synergy empowers me to grow into my true self, the self God created me to be. The trust comes from looking back and seeing that when I am living out of my true self and allowing God to work through me, life seems to turn out in the smoothest possible way. This is not a blind or naive trust. It is trust in the belief that God is holding me and advocating for me, even if it is in a way I do not understand at the time.

May Your Lenten Journey be a Fruitful One

There will always be fears, forgiveness, and unhealthy habits or attitudes that get in the way of me wanting to let go and hand over complete control to God. I’m thankful there is a focused time of Lent every year to challenge me to confront them so I can grow through them. I wish you a fruitful Lenten season of reflection into seeing what is hard for you to give up and let go. May they be an invitation to a deeper growth and more meaningful connection with the Divine.

I invite you to spend some quiet moments with this prayer.

SURRENDER

By Thomas Ryan, CSP

Surrender is a weakness word

in childhood games and

wrestling romps with peers.

But through the years I’ve come

to see that what it really does

is set you free.

I don’t mean here the kind

that comes from fear and poverty;

the letting go I have in mind

requires a sense of safety and security.

While it does pry our fingers

loose from surrogate divinities,

the actual power to surrender is

only given when the heart is tender.

When the inner garden slowly grows

to readiness, the grace is given,

not as something owed, but as

a gift bestowed—almost as though

while we sleep, our hearts breathe deep

and are made ready for letting go.

Reflect

How do you react when you hear the word, “surrender”?

What are the attitudes or habits that get in the way of a closer relationship with God? Is that reflected in your Lenten practice?